He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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