big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still have a little drunk in my system
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend