Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.