I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?