turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
