Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested