there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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