"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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