Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
