i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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