the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
