I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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