Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
