All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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