dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
