Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize