i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I want a musical about memes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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