You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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