I didn't shave. On purpose
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize