Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
