he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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