hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
