Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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