Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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