remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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