so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
