the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
