see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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