As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
