i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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