Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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