yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
