I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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