We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
