So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
