just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize