She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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