I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
