You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
