So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
