Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
