first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
