Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
