I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
