Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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