dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
