Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
