I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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