his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
