yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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