I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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