I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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