why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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