i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
