Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
