Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
