So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
