how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
