so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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