Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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