Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
