I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
